Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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