He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
