YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
