I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there was a trapeze. enough said
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
