my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
