I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
