I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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