Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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