some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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