I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he puts the penis in happiness.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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