If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
