why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
