The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
