omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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