My friends, they love my intelligence
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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