dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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