dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
