I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
