the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
