so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
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Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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