she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
