Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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