yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
