So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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