just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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