is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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