i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize