so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
