i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
