Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I want to be your penis for a week.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
