We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
