Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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