Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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