we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need a beard to bite.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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