I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
