you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
