I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
