u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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