Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
