I haven't been this sober since birth.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
