...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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