omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize