By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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