I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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