I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
