I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
