she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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