i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
