Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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