Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
