I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
