the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
