hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
