I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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