I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
