he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
