dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
