a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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