If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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