If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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