Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
