had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
