dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
