Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
