I showed him my bush... on skype.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
