do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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