god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
