It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
